August
Nothing much to see here lately — definitely just existing. I didn’t reignite any old hobbies, nor did I dive into anything new this month. I DID spend some time thinking about the projects I’d love to start, even if that was mostly scrolling through TikTok saving inspiration and telling myself “I should do this one day”.
Summer is almost over and I have the familiar feeling of never quite doing the season justice. But maybe that’s the point — I just hung out! The rest of it always comes back around.
Book Recommendation: Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar
At Martyr!’s core is main character Cyrus, a newly sober and orphaned son of Iranian immigrants who’s been left with addiction and grief, and an obsession with sacrifice. He’s haunted by a family history he barely understands, and the story moves through the disorienting and almost dreamlike chaos of his mind. Cyrus tracks down an artist putting on an exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum, and returns daily after finding some solace through their connection.
Full of accolades, it’s easy for me to understand why this book has been so popular — Akbar’s writing is lyrical and incisive at the same time. Martyr! is about death, but even more about the miracle of carrying on.
"I'm sorry," she said, studying my face.
"No —" I said, pausing. My ears were ringing, I could feel the blood rushing through my skull.
"No?" she said, blinking once, then twice, waiting for me to respond.
"No, don't be sorry," I said. "The eye, the angel's drums." I paused. "I think I understand."
She smiled. A few curls peeked out from under her headscarf. We were on our knees in the alley staring at each other like children. Like chickens. I felt dizzy again from aliveness. Flush with baffle and excitement, like the first person to taste snow. And then, natural as air, we stood up and walked back into the bazaar, where men were arguing about nonsense, where women swept dirt from dirt.
After that first kiss, I wouldn't have questioned anything. Possibility, freedom. If a great winged angel had come up from the earth and burst apart, I would have gathered its feathers.
Honourable mentions: Everyone is Lying to You by Jo Piazza, The Compound by Aisling Rawle
Movie Recommendation: Sorry, Baby by Eva Victor
Sorry, Baby is a darkly funny and deeply human story about trauma and the uneven shape of recovery. We follow Agnes, who is living in the shadows of a sexual assault that happened years prior. The film moves between the chapters of her life with moments of really sharp comedy and quiet sadness. Threaded throughout is this constant warmth from her best friend, some tenderness from the kindness of strangers, and a total dread for the hollow policies of institutions that fail her.
I have thought about Sorry, Baby almost every day; about how someone can disappear from your life but live under your skin. Similar to Agnes, mine moved away almost immediately — a late night Google search notified me that he became a car salesman, which felt gross and wholly predictable. But he still surfaces when I get a bit too excited about someone new, when I can’t sleep, when I think about a former life.
This is exactly what Eva Victor captured so honestly: the way that harm doesn’t always leave behind a reckoning. Sometimes people get away with what they’ve done, and all that’s left is the work of picking up the pieces. But we turn to our friends, our pets, our small or large joys, until there’s a semblance of something normal, and eventually we get to see the good again.
Honourable mentions: Beau Travail by Claire Denis, Little Fish by Chad Hartigan, Kajillionaire by Miranda July
Music Recommendation: Essex Honey by Blood Orange
Many years ago one of my best friends and I were at one of our favourite coffee shops, and while waiting for our drinks I noticed they had a vinyl of Negro Swan playing. I remember turning to her and asking if she knew anything about it (and she will probably wonder why I remember this moment so clearly and not others, but I simply don’t have these answers Ray). Because I can never be halfway into something, I made a mental note to do my eventual deep dive into Dev Hynes. I then discovered that he was the production behind some of my favourite songs (“Everything Is Embarrassing” by Sky Ferreira and “Losing You” by Solange) — I even wrote a bit about Carly Rae Jepsen’s adoration of him last month. It’s safe to say that I’ve been a dedicated Blood Orange fan for some time.
It’s been six years since his last album came out, and the highly anticipated Essex Honey of course exceeded all of my expectations. Born out of Hynes’ upbringing in Essex, the passing of his mother, and inspiration from Elliot Smith, it’s a slight departure from Negro Swan in sound — but Blood Orange continues to push musical boundaries. Blending genres in a way that feels both timeless and ahead of the curve, the entire record feels like a meditation on identity and grief and is carried by his lush arrangements and atmospheric synths. My standout tracks have been “Mind Loaded” (with Caroline Polachek, Lorde, and Mustafa — a stacked lineup) as well as the very cathartic “Thinking Clean”.
Honourable mentions: Like a Ribbon by John Glacier, LETHAL by Rico Nasty, The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions by Vegyn
Other Favourites:
This episode of the A24 podcast with Eva Victor and Celine Song, where they discuss creativity and generally being hot and amazing women
Similarly inspirational, this video of Aubrey Plaza smoking with the Weed Nuns
The entire conversation between writers Andrea Long Chu and Mevre Emre — but this specific section on flirting changed my life a bit
A short New Yorker documentary about a former candy factory turned artist haven, and the landlady / fairy godmother behind its community
Clearly a big YouTube month — I was recommended the New York Times “Diary of a Song” series, and Bon Iver’s “iMi” made the cut; one of the best songs of all (my) time made even better by watching how it came together
Finally, happy Jersey Shore weekend to those who also celebrate
Bye for now,
Sab