September
I don’t think this is uncommon, but September often feels like my real new year — I think partially because my brain is still operating on some kind of school calendar. However, I have to humbly brag that my life has had a lucky habit of getting really good in the fall. I also self-actualize the moment the temperature drops below 20 degrees. Burnt orange, sweater vests, pumpkin everything — the girl is a sucker for all of the above. But the world is on fire and we need to find the happiness where we can.
It felt like a lot of brave stuff this month: travelling solo to one of my dearest friends weddings, hanging out with new neighbours, trying overall to take up space against what often seems like my better judgement. Everything that I had been worried for turned out better than I could have expected. What an annoying outcome to have evidence that my anxiety can be so wrong.
Book Recommendation: Sunburn by Chloe Michelle Howarth
Set in a small Irish town in the early 1990s, Sunburn captures the weight of a secret first love. Lucy is caught between the safety of everything she’s always known and an urgency of wanting more — namely her friend Susannah, who she becomes quietly infatuated with.
Chloe Michelle Howarth’s writing is lovely, quiet, emotionally sharp. She describes a lot of in-between moments: silence after a glance, or words unsaid, or wanting what you can’t name. Every bit of desire is full of tenderness.
It reminded me a lot of Sally Rooney’s Normal People; both are love stories shaped by shame and the claustrophobia of a small town. The quote ahead turned this book into an instant favourite, and Sunburn has now has joined the prestigious club of my five star rated books (which mostly consists of stories that make me feel unwell in a very specific and beautiful way).
In the morning, she is in a sunny mood, like always, like yesterday didn’t happen. It might annoy her if I remind her of her cold snap, but still I give her the letter, very casually, like it’s a joke. She asked me to write it, and I always do what she asks, doesn’t she know that?
Her eyes widen, like she is embarrassed, like this is my petty way of mocking her. But she is sort of smiling.
‘Jesus, you didn’t actually have to write me a letter.?
‘Yeah, I did.’
She puts it in her skirt pocket, and all day I see her touching its folded corner. I don’t mind. I don’t think about it all evening, or as I go to sleep, I don’t.
A new morning comes, and in school, she quietly approaches me and hands me a note of her own.
L,
Sound for the letter. I hope you weren’t taking the piss when you wrote it, because I read it while I ate dinner and on the sofa and in bed, and I think I’ll read it a thousand times more. It was nice to have some company. I know that sounds sad. I’ll take another if you want to write it haha. You’re the best.x S
The best. Tonight and every night, I will defend my title and write her more letters that chronicle my tiresome evenings and do all that I can to keep her warm in her big empty house. And she will read them while eating, lounging, and in bed.
Honourable mentions: Immaculate Conception by Ling Ling Huang, Yerba Buena by Nina LaCour
Movie Recommendation: Kajillionaire by Miranda July
In a confession I am ashamed to make, I watched Kajillionaire three times in the last month. Is this excessive? Obviously. But it really struck a chord with me. The movie is weird, tender, a little sad, and full of moments where people don’t quite know how to love each other.
Evan Rachel Wood is incredible here as a daughter raised by scam-artist parents who treat her like an accomplice. There’s a deep loneliness under a lot of comedy, like a scene where she goes for a massage and only relaxes when the therapist isn’t touching her at all. It’s framed as slightly absurd, but ultimately devastating. Kajillionaire is about being odd and wanting to be loved anyway — the fantasy of being saved, being seen in all your strangeness, then still chosen. It’s offbeat and so emotionally specific that I still don’t quite know how it exists.
Honourable mentions: The Master by Paul Thomas Anderson, To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar by Beeban Kidron, When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts by Spike Lee
Music Recommendation: Untourable Album by Men I Trust
I’ve had Men I Trust on repeat all month, specifically Untourable Album, after nabbing a ticket to finally see them in the new year. They make the kind of music that can somehow fill a room without taking up too much space. Everything about the record feels low key and effortless: smooth basslines, soft vocals, and this signature dreamy production that they always do so well.
Born out of the pandemic, Exclaim! accurately described it as “a perfect headphones record” (and as a side note, Exclaim! is one of the coolest magazines out there and my favourite place to find new music). My standout tracks from this particular album are “Sugar” and “Tree Among Shrubs”, but their recent releases are also incredible.
When I was writing for this section I also read the sweetest bit of trivia about the album cover. It pays homage to photographer Lynn Goldsmith, who is best known for capturing some of the most iconic musicians — Bruce Springsteen, Patti Smith, Prince. The band didn’t think they could afford her work but it turned out that Lynn was a fan of theirs, so she offered them an “indie band price for the love of music”.
Honourable mentions: Heaven or Las Vegas by Cocteau Twins, This Is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About by Modest Mouse, life till bones by Oso Oso
Other Favourites:
“The Chronicles of a New York Locksmith”, a surprisingly emotional documentary about a retiring tradesman training his replacement
Getting to see Erica Rutherford’s exhibit “The Human Comedy” at National Gallery of Canada — her strange and joyous creations were so fun to see in person
This Bugonia preview with the creepy “Good Luck Babe” remix — I LOVE a good trailer
Phlur’s “Father Figure”, my latest scent obsession
Mike’s Mic (perhaps my favourite YouTuber) and his “Bride, So Confusing” video, all about the specific genre of wedding romcoms in the 2000s
My 5pm to 9pm gig, Tiny Bookshop — a cozy video game where the objective is to recommend books to your neighbours, and is that not what this newsletter is all about ???
Me and the town goths Hailee Catalano, my new comfort watch — a chef often compared to the coziness of Ina Garten, I would very much like to follow Hailee making elaborate but unpretentious meals forever
This documentation of Meek Mill seconds away from discovering who Elizabeth Holmes is
Happy October,
Sab